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Why am I so stupid as to take 21 units of actually difficult classes this semester. Calc level Physics, 3/3 term for Calculus, Linear Algebra, C++, How to Business class, and Web Dev 2. 4+5+3+3+3+3=21 units. Fuck, I mean I can do it; it'll be fairly easy if i could just sit down and do the damn work. Which, hasn't happened in several years now, I go right up to the deadline and barely manage to complete the work.
Fuck, the US school system fuck up its students. I was the smart kid as a kid and as such no one ever taught me time-management or how to fucking study. If anyone reads this within a month and has a suggestion for a time management app that works with schoolwork and study time/groups that would be awesome.
I have actually figured out part of my problem. I'd thought about it for years now but my body shuts down till I'm barely conscious for a few hours between 2 pm and 6 pm, and then after that I wake right back up again. I got 2 hours of sleep one night last week then woke about 8am stumbled my way through the day and classes, got home half dead until after 6. Then, boom waking right back up I finally got to sleep around 3am. And sleeping pills last too long and then I just don't go to sleep after I take them because even if they work I can't tell.
So my 'insomnia' really isn't helping my depression or the anxiety that growing up as the 'smart one' has given me. If I don't get A's I'm a complete failure and will get nowhere in life and therefore I"m useless and why would anyone want to pay any attention to me anyway. That is basically how my childhood programmed me. I would really like it if I could actually relax and not have this screaming in one corner of my mind that I haven't completed ******* assignment. That would make me feel so much better.
So, anyone who got this far thanks for reading, please don't be an asshole.
Fuck, the US school system fuck up its students. I was the smart kid as a kid and as such no one ever taught me time-management or how to fucking study. If anyone reads this within a month and has a suggestion for a time management app that works with schoolwork and study time/groups that would be awesome.
I have actually figured out part of my problem. I'd thought about it for years now but my body shuts down till I'm barely conscious for a few hours between 2 pm and 6 pm, and then after that I wake right back up again. I got 2 hours of sleep one night last week then woke about 8am stumbled my way through the day and classes, got home half dead until after 6. Then, boom waking right back up I finally got to sleep around 3am. And sleeping pills last too long and then I just don't go to sleep after I take them because even if they work I can't tell.
So my 'insomnia' really isn't helping my depression or the anxiety that growing up as the 'smart one' has given me. If I don't get A's I'm a complete failure and will get nowhere in life and therefore I"m useless and why would anyone want to pay any attention to me anyway. That is basically how my childhood programmed me. I would really like it if I could actually relax and not have this screaming in one corner of my mind that I haven't completed ******* assignment. That would make me feel so much better.
So, anyone who got this far thanks for reading, please don't be an asshole.
